


crying isn’t like you

by pxrsephoneofeden



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bitterness, Denial of Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Instability, Past Relationship(s), References to Addiction, References to Depression, Reunions, Secret Relationship, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 20:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18611896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxrsephoneofeden/pseuds/pxrsephoneofeden
Summary: Ed goes to the only person he thinks won’t turn him away after he’s escaped the policeset after 5x12





	crying isn’t like you

**_It's not true_ **

**_Tell me I've been lied to_ **

**_Crying isn't like you_ **

 

His chest nearly vibrated with anxiety as he approached the humble suburban home. With every step he felt as if he were sparkling so the world could see him, a green sequined suit decidedly not the best option for a reuniting he’d rather not share with the world.

 

Not like he had much of a choice though, he couldn’t think of anyone who wouldn’t turn him away. He cleared his throat once he reached the door, hesitating, not wanting to knock, because he knew what awaited him.

 

Lucius Fox was never a man who enjoyed being woken up, not for anything or anyone. Ed learned that a while back, when he’d groan upon being kissed awake or when he was disturbed by a flicker of a noise. He preferred to wake up on his own terms, preferably with Ed somewhere in his house, or in Ed’s own apartment making pancakes for them to enjoy later. Ed paused his train of thought to quickly rack his brain to make sure he still possessed the skill to make pancakes, as ten years behind bars and a few years of free time-less crime may render that skill useless.

 

Swallowing hard he swiftly kicked on the door three or four times to alert Lucius he was there. Shutting his eyes and inhaling sharply, he suddenly wished he weren’t as sober as he was.

 

The door handle turned and the door crept open to reveal a very tired, and very surprised Lucius.

 

”Ed? what’re you doing here? How are you- I thought you were going back to Ark-“ Ed interrupted and shushed him, then turned around to make sure the quiet neighborhood was still just as quiet as it had been a few minutes ago.

 

”Lucius, please, can I please just-“ He could look him in the eyes, he was ashamed “- I have nowhere else to go, I can’t go back there I’ve been there ten whole years and it’s finally time for me to be out!” He choked out a sob, he truly felt pathetic, he hadn’t cried since he’d found out he had been used to kill all those people at haven, and now he’s crying just by standing with his former lover? God his last self would hate him right now.

 

Lucius looked over at Ed’s unstable state and was genuinely concerned. After all these years he really still thought he had a safe place with Lucius. Not even Penguin could’ve been able to see him so vulnerable. He purses his lips and fought against his better judgment, grabbing Ed’s arm and leading him inside.

 

_**What the hell did I do?** _

_**Never been the type to** _

_**Let someone see right through** _

 

Ed was comforted by the unspoken worry he knew Lucius felt for him. At least someone was aware of his existence. He made himself at home on an old blue couch in the front parlor room of Lucius’s home. Lucius turned on a lamp and the warm, low, light bounces off the walls, and made Ed’s eye burn just a little. Disappearing into the kitchen, Ed’s sense of panic took over when he realized Lucius could very well just call the police on him, even after all they’ve been through. Every kiss, every touch, every promise meant nothing obviously. He would’ve seen him at least once in those ten years he’d been in Arkham if they really did matter.

 

Ed sighed a huff of relief when Lucius returned with two tall glasses of wine, and he cocked a brow at him.

 

”Oh, you and I both know I can’t just get rid of you so easily. If that were true I would've been able to remove you from my couch dozens of other times before now.” Lucius said smugly. Ed weakly chuckled and took a relatively large sip of his wine.

 

”You didn’t have the heart to make me leave, Foxy.” Ed winked at Lucius, who merely rolled his eyes in response. He set down his glass and reached out to hold onto Ed’s arm.

 

”You know why I’m letting you do this right, Ed?” His deep eyes pierced a hole right through where Ed’s conscious should’ve been, he knew the answer but he didn’t wanna say.

 

”Lucius, the past is the past, yeah yeah, we used to sleep together and fight constantly, but you’ve got to understand I had nowhere! nowhere else to go!” He started losing his temper, he refused to be patronized by a man wearing only a thin t-shirt and boxer shorts. Lucius sighed.

 

”No one, really? So Penguin wouldn’t let you stay at his mansion? You don’t have some slum in the narrows you can go to? There not a hotel willing to give you a free pass? Honestly, Ed, we both know why you’re here, deep down you still think I’m just gonna let you rip yourself back into my life, and that you have a skeleton key to anything that’s a part of me, but for the love of God I still have my dignity!” Lucius stood up, yelling at Ed, but refusing to look him in his exhausted eyes. Tears welled up in his sockets and he pushed himself mentally for even daring to cry over him.

 

Ed shot up beside him and grabbed his wrists, twisting him around so he’d have to look at him, look at him and see how much he was truly broken. When he stared into Lucius’s tired eyes he reminisced in all the moments they’d been happy. Laying in bed, ignoring calls, ignoring their pasts, denying their inevitable future. Truly just enjoying being in the moment, cradling one another like a safety blanket. They both weren’t dumb, they knew this would happen, they knew better and had heard it all before, don’t fall in love with someone you know you can never have anything healthy with. Ed wasn’t a mentally stable person, he was irrational and erratic, but Lucius saw the side of him that everyone else refused to see. He didn’t see a socially awkward ticking time bomb he didn’t see a psychopathic killer with no boundaries, he saw a broken man in need of help and love.

 

He knew he latched in too easily, he seeks out those in need of saving, but in the deepest, out of his soul, he knew Edward Nygma was too far deep in the throat of Gotham’s underworld to be saved. Every time he showed up at Lucius’s doorstep, high, covered in blood, or just on the verge of breaking, Lucius killed himself over making sure he was together and stable. At some point, he thought, he can’t keep giving and giving to someone who refuses to change.

 

_**Maybe won't you take it back** _

_**Say you were tryna make me laugh** _

_**And nothing has to change today** _

_**You didn't mean to say "I love you"** _

 

Snapping back into reality, and staring deep into the damaged hearts of each other, the two men realized they both knew what this always leads to. Ed smiled softly and leaned forward to press his lips gently onto the other male’s. Lucius wasn’t drunk, but he can’t remember exactly how he ended up back in bed with Ed on top him, his mouth spilling every loving phrase he’d ever heard in between needy kisses. They said it over and over again that night, “I love you, I love you, I love you-“. Whether it was true or not, it came from some primal part of their person, that had been trapped for way too long.

 

They both fell asleep with racing hearts, and utterly in adoration of each other, but Lucius still mentally prepared for a cold and empty bed when he woke up.

 

He was partially correct, when he awoke he was in fact alone, but before he could sigh in melancholy, a familiar smell made him question what world he was living in. Stepping eagerly from his bedroom to his kitchen, he chuckled in both shock and happiness when he saw Ed haphazardly flipped pancakes at his stove. Ed spotted him and looked over at him. He flashed an awkward grin and bit his lip.

 

”They're not going to be very good-“ He flopped a couple of misshapen pancakes onto two plates and moved them over to the table Lucius had sat down at. “- I think I misjudged how hard it is to remember how to make pancakes after ten years.” He slowly cut off a bite and held it up to his mouth. Lucius cut off his own bite and made a pleased sound when he began chewing. Ed let out a smug laugh and clapped his hands.

 

”Ha! I still got it! Arkham can’t take everything from me!”

 

“Oh no, they’re terrible, but I’m just glad you’re here.”

 


End file.
